Thursday, 29 May 2008

Gordon and the donkey

A young man named Gordon bought a donkey from an old farmer for £100.00.

The farmer agreed to deliver the donkey the next day, but when the farmer drove up he said, "Sorry son, but I have some bad news... the donkey is on my truck, but unfortunately he's dead.

Gordon replied, "Well then, just give me my money back."

The farmer said, "I can't do that, because I've spent it already.

Gordon said, "OK then, well just unload the donkey anyway.

The farmer asked, "What are you going to do with him?"

Gordon answered, "I'm going to raffle him off."

To which the farmer exclaimed, "Surely you can't raffle off a dead donkey!"

But Gordon, with a wicked smile on his face said, "Of course I can, I just won't bother to tell anybody that he's dead."

A month later the farmer met up with Gordon and asked, "What happened with that dead donkey?"

Gordon said, "I raffled him off, sold 500 tickets at two pounds a piece and made a huge, fat profit!!"

Totally amazed, the farmer asked, "Didn't anyone complain that you had stolen their money because you lied about the donkey being dead?"

To which Gordon replied, "The only guy who found out about the donkey being dead was the raffle winner when he came to claim his prize. So I gave him his £2 raffle ticket money back plus an extra £200, which as you know is double the going rate for a donkey, so he thought I was great guy!!

Gordon grew up and eventually became the Chancellor of the Exchequer and then Prime Minister as and no matter how many times he lied, or how much money he stole from the British voters, as long as he gave them back some of the stolen money, most of them, unfortunately, still thought he was a great guy.

The moral of this story is that, if you think Gordon is about to play fair and do something for the everyday people of the country for once in his miserable, lying life, think again my friend, because you'll be better off flogging a dead donkey.

Wednesday, 28 May 2008

Polyclinic, what polyclinic?

As troubles rain down upon the government, officials are feeling bemused. "It's headless chicken territory for ministers," said one insider. "Gordon rushed out his Queen's Speech plans, which was a mistake because it means we're now stuck with a load of legislation that nobody really wants." Officials are seeking relief from the gloom in gossip. "Civil servants love the kind of fun and frenzy that's going on now - wondering whether ministers like David Miliband or James Purnell will stay loyal or throw their hats in the ring - though both are really too young and raw."
Alan Johnson, the health secretary, has ruled himself out of being PM - he has said publicly he does not think he is up to it. Yet some say he is doing an excellent job at health - which is puzzling as not much seems to be happening there. "Exactly," said one senior figure. "He's charming, well liked and he has the ability to put a blanket of assurance over everything. Yet he's also extremely secretive - no U-turns from Alan - and he doesn't actually do much." Well, not in public. Apparently Mr Johnson has been backpedalling furiously over plans for polyclinics, which he is now calling health centres. Back in 1956, amid fears about National Health Service waste, the idea of health centres was mooted. An official report found they created as many problems as they solved.

Sunday, 25 May 2008

Come on, Patrick

"Cometh the hour, cometh the man"

So Labour MPs want a new leader, but can't decide which of them will step forward. Well, Patrick Hall (Bedford), could this be your moment?

Alternatively, if even Labour doesn't know, could we try asking the British Public and have an election

Bravo, Gordon

We have adapted this piece from the excellent "Burning Our Money" website:

We feel strongly that Gordon Brown is the right man to lead Labour into the next election, and he's dismayed that not everyone agrees. Post the Crazy Result of the Crewe By-election, all kinds of Labour MPs Tyler's never heard of are trawling around the TV pundits saying Gordon should step aside. That's so wrong. Brown is doing more than anyone to ensure A Better Future For Britain.

Consider the Five Facts:

1. Gordon abolished the Economic Cycle!

His far-sighted stewardship of the economy has eliminated the recessions we used to suffer under those hopeless boomandbust Tories. Never again will unemployment stalk the land. (Technical note: the recent uptick in "worklessness" is a statistical aberration that will soon be eliminated).

2. Gordon abolished poverty!

Thanks to Him, eight year old children no longer have to slave 20 hour days in the cotton mills and up chimneys. Fact.

3. Gordon saved Africa!

Well, except for Sudan. And Zimbabwe. And a couple of other places. But come on - he was the one who got Bonio to give that epoch defining press conference in the Four Seasons Hotel.

3. Gordon legalised gay marriage!

Fine, Bliar was PM at the time. But it was definitely Gordon who pushed it home.

4. Gordon gave us great summers!

He was Chancellor during the hottest summers on record. All except for 1976, anyway. And 1757.

5. Gordon made the trains run on time!

Or he would have done, if he hadn't been so badly let down by others.

All in all, that's one helluva record. And those backstabbing Labour MPs should be ashamed of themselves.

Saturday, 24 May 2008

Pigs at the trough....once again

The health minister Ann Keen is this weekend revealed to have insured her 70-year-old husband’s life for £430,000 – and to have claimed the premiums on parliamentary expenses.

Keen took out a joint HSBC “first death” policy with her husband Alan, also a Labour MP, which meant if one of them died the other would get the payout.

The £867 monthly premiums were submitted as part of their parliamentary expenses. The couple are already entitled to generous payouts if one of them dies under the Commons pension scheme.

Details of the policy have been released after a three-year freedom of information battle by The Sunday Times. Michael Martin, the Speaker, was forced to publish the expenses of 14 MPs after spending more than £200,000 of taxpayers’ money trying to block their release.

Thursday, 15 May 2008

This is the NHS

Here is the text of a message sent to GPs in Southampton yesterday:

Dear Colleagues,

I have been asked to inform you urgently that Southampton University Hopital Trust is currently on ‘Black Alert’ with Ambulances queuing outside A/E and the Ambulance Service [SCAST] indicating that there is a 1.5 hour wait for even urgent requests for ambulances to be dealt with.

Clearly in this difficult situation we would request wherever possible that if measures can be taken by you to avoid hospital admission or A/E attendance for patients we would be most grateful.

I am conscious that communications of this nature are often deemed unhelpful, but I hope that you will take this circumstance into consideration, in consultation with patients and carers, in informing your clinical decisions this afternoon

Many thanks

Bye-bye, or at least Cheerio

Stephen Carter, Gordon Brown's chief advisor, cut his teeth advertising breakfast cereal : so I presume he knows all about Cheerios.

Wednesday, 14 May 2008

This is the NHS in 2008

ThIs piece was written by a hospital consultant (not at Bedford, and not about Bedford): it describes the shameful state of the NHS today.

My Uncle, 87 years old, previously completely with it, RAF retired, veteran of the Battle of Britain, The Western Desert and The Italian Campaign has a Squamous Cell Carcinoma of the scalp for which he has received excellent treatment. Unfortunately, he fell recently whilst attempting to find a seat on a bus, he was rendered unconscious and taken to his local hospital. A CT scan revealed a large subdural haematoma, treatment for which was apparently "not indicated". In spite of this he recovered consciousness. Within a week, OT even decided that he was fit to go home to his flat, which has 17 steps to the front door, he was expected to manage these with a Zimmer frame. My Mother (his sister) thought differently and arranged convalescence for him in a local nursing home (at her own expense) following consultation with his GP. Despite this, his discharge was arranged (without consultation with his family or GP, my Mother lives less than 1 hour away) hospital transport delivered him to his flat......and left him there. He was found the following morning by a "carer", who could see him through the letterbox, lying in the hallway in his own excrement. An ambulance was called, the door broken down, and he was taken back to the local DGH. He is now in the Nursing Home, thankfully. I have just had to try and explain to my Mum why this has happened, including the message to her that there was an awful mess in the flat that SHE would have to clean up (she has and it WAS awful!) This has happened in the last 48 hours and I am spitting nails. Have tried to contact the medical team and CE this evening, strange as it may seem no one can help. Thanks Gordon.

Hello, Ed

Mr Ed Neale, Medical Director of Bedford Hospital, is an assiduous reader of this website; perhaps it is how he likes to be kept informed, in which case we are pleased to be of assistance.

So, from all of us in the Save Bedford Hospital party, we say "Hello,Ed".

Sunday, 11 May 2008

Action stations

Did anyone listen to Frank Field on "Any Questions" this week. If you didn't, go on-line on the BBC website and listen to it; if you did hear it, go on-line and listen again.

Whatever your political affiliations, Frank Field is always worth listening to, on live on air he signed Gordon Brown's death warrant.

It is our view that Brown may well be gone by July; if that is the case, then there would be enormous clamour for a general election (could we really have two unelected PMs in a row??).

So here at the Save Bedford Hospital party we are gearing up to the possibility of a general election in July 2008. Make no mistake, we want to win, and with your help we can win.